As an artist, I’ve been searching for my voice, for my truth in my creative expression. What do I have to say that is of value? It’s a question we all have asked ourselves. For the longest, I spent my time traveling and exploring the world around me looking for that inspiration. Each time I did, all the paths lead back to me and that just terrified me! The more the path lead back to me and my story the more I ran and threw myself into the world outside of me. Then a couple of days ago, I decided to start painting from an easel and that meant I needed a stool to sit on while I painted. I remembered seeing an old wooden stool in my parents home growing up throughout the years. As my parents gave me this old wooden stool, my mother said “your great grandmother used this stool to paint. Did you know she used to paint?” It was in that question, in this exchange that brought everything in my life into perspective. The terror, the running away, the avoiding my own story all came into perspective. As I drove to my studio to paint, I thought about my great grandmother and how she was also a painter and a beautiful creative. She was such a beautiful and powerful woman. I also began remembering the stories from my mother about how she was diagnosed with manic depression and how she underwent many treatments of shock therapy by the hands and direct consent of her brother. She slowly lost herself in all of it eventually surrendering to Alzheimer’s disease. Emotions began to rise up within me, real emotions of what it has meant to be a woman on my mother’s side of the family; what it has meant to be a woman throughout the centuries. How many women have been erased within their own life? How many women have lost that connection to the beautiful and powerful creative within? As I carried the wooden stool into my studio and set it right in the center, it became very clear to me what I needed to express within my work. The story I’ve been running from my whole life. The story of what it has meant to be a woman in my family. An ode to all the women who disappeared right before our eyes.
There are moments in life that some call “defining”; moments that mark a shift, a transformation of sorts. These moments find you and can come to you in the most unexpected ways. My defining moment found me through and old wooden stool and in it I found my voice and inspiration for my upcoming series!
On September 1st, a huge chapter in my life ended. It was my last day at my corporate finance job out in the suburbs of Chicago! The month leading up to this day was filled with uncertainty, undeniable terror and heavy emotion. As all of this emerged around me and within me, things began to shift for me in a way where everything I love and am passionate about began to move to the center of my life.
As I look back on it all, I can't help but smile as I settle into this new phase in my life. I like to call it the emergence of the Psychic Artist! It is the first time in my life I have the freedom and space to create from an authentic place within me and through those creations I am able to express an aspect of myself that has gone unseen from the world. There is this new found courage that I had no idea existed! If you would have told me 3 years ago, that I'd be quitting my job and pursuing being an artist and psychic teacher full time, I would have laughed in your face and said "get real!" That right there is the irony of this entire journey. All that I once thought was real for me slowly began to fall apart over the last 3 years. This life I built around what I was taught and shown as being real, was in fact not my life at all. There was one big thing missing in all of it, and it was me! It was in exploring my psychic abilities where I was able to create space to have more and more of myself in my life! It wasn't necessarily about finding myself. Deep down I always knew who I was, and where I was. It was about giving myself the permission to have me be the center of my life and be the ultimate creator within my life.
So today, I find myself on the Journey of a Psychic Artist! The two are so closely connected in my life. To be psychic is an art and to be an artist is so psychic to me. To connect and explore the world around me, seeing and experiencing the varying energies and forms is truly magical. To express it through color and texture on canvas is the most healing experience of my life. What is most exciting, is it's only the beginning!